Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
