my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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