hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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