My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
