dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
