when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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