Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just had sex bonerless
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
