my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Randomize
