it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
