My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
