Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
