Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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