hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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