How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
