he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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