I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
