I hate your face
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
