Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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