I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
