you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
