So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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