The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
