i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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