tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
