So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
