As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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