Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize