So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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