Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
