Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
