i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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