WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
