Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
