dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
