Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
