dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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