if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
