tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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