just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize