I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize