yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
