he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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