Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
