"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i've created a new STD.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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