Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
