don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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