I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
