i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize