U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
