Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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