So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
