question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
