he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
