new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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