I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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