I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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