OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
