She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
