what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
