After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
